1 – Drink water!
When suffering the acute effects of alcohol-induced head trauma, you’ll find there’s no better friend in all the great wide world than pure, simple, unadulterated water. Water will grab the bad stuff out of your bloodstream, allowing you to pee out the toxicity. So drink tons of it, and maybe pop a few analgesic tablets for good measure. Those’ll give your central nervous system the reassuring pat on the back it needs, and let it know everything’s gonna be okay, eventually.
2 – Bang It Out
For all the many ways alcohol can lift us up, it can be a real downer, too. Studies by smart people in lab coats have shown that consuming booze in mass quantities may lower male testosterone. This partially explains why you often wake up hungover and horny after a night of overindulgence—your hormone-depleted body wants its mojo back in a bad way. Having sex gets the blood pumping and increases the amount of pain-killing oxygen in the body, which goes a long way toward shutting down those angry little fuckers playing grab-ass behind your eyeballs. In lieu of a willing partner, you can always take matters into your own hand.
3 – A Big Fat Greasy Cheeseburger
First off, cheeseburgers are one of the most delicious foods known to mankind. On top of that, they’re full of protein which breaks down into amino acids. The aminos are intrepid little warriors that lay siege to acetaldehyde, the odious alcohol-induced poison that’s beating on your booze-soaked noggin like it owes it money. Amino acids convert acetaldehyde into water and carbon dioxide, which are then sent packing when you take a good long piss. To recap, in goes cheeseburger, out goes hangover. It’s the circle of lush, friends. The circle of lush.
4 – Coffee
This one may seem counterintuitive. After all, a cup of Joe will wake you up, and when you’re hung like a haggard porn star all you really want is to sleep it off. Here’s the funny thing, though: The magical caffeine inside coffee will constrict the blood vessels in your brain, making it hurt less. You can buy some good coffee maker and this buying guide would be of great help. Do you believe in miracles? Of course, you do. You’ll believe anything if it’ll make the pain go away. And on the same principle, might we also recommend…
Cold also constricts your blood vessels, but without drugs. Way to go, cold! If you’ve had water, booty, burgers, booze, weed, coffee, and a cold shower and are still feeling like Satan took a giant dump on you, it’s time to punch something really hard. Turns out that if you break a few knuckles, the pain in your hand will make coping with a headache as easy as falling off a log. Or, come to think of it, you could just fall off an actual log. You drunk bastard!